The Voice of Riesen

I bet you thought I was dead. And in your mind I probably died in some tragically chubby-linked way...maybe from a clogged artery...or maybe it was congestive heart failure...and oh how I bet you cried...you probably sobbed into your pillow until the sobakawa husks began to mold and you developed a migraine from the dehydration...you probably cried and cried because you were going to miss me so much...and between sobs you probably made yourself a promise that you'd never let that happen to you...that you'd never put your loved ones through the pain and loss you were experiencing...and then, if you had any sense at all, you very likely sat straight up, wiped your eyes and went to eat a vegetable...and good for you! ...I wouldn't want you to cry forever...But the things is...I'm not dead. So there.

I know you're surprised...but try to imagine how I feel! After years of doing just about everything in my power to subconsciously guarantee myself a youthful (and thus moderately-dramatic) death, all I've really managed to secure is a sedentary lifestyle. Where's the fun in that??

So this is what I need to keep reminding myself: Despite what I have to assume were my best efforts, it looks like I'm going to be around for awhile. And you know what? If that's true, why wouldn't I want to make my time here a little more enjoyable? In the words of the wise, great and capitalized THEY, "Get busy living or get busy dying!!"

Maybe I'll do a little living today...

Some things take time. Some things take years.

A Happy Mother's Day to all - even if you don't have a child and even if you don't have a mother.

I just returned from a deliriously hot weekend in Phoenix, where I was able to witness (and then help celebrate!) the college graduation of a dear, adopted sister. Many congratulations, Jax - I couldn't be more proud!! And thanks so much to Jen & Mike for always providing a hot shower and a soft place to crash, no matter how little notice they're given.

So here's to hot weather, spending time in a place where I can actually say that every person I know in this city adores me and I adore them, and to setting (and finally accomplishing) long-term goals.

Maybe I'll make myself a few. :)

Much like little girls, DVR is the devil!

I know, I know, I know, alright!! Of course it isn't Cable's fault that I have an addiction. Of course it isn't my roommates' fault for recording dozens of shows I NEVER USED TO WATCH but now CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT. Of course it's my fault, and my fault alone that I HAD to waste an entire day on the couch catching up on every show that aired this week because OH MY GOSH MY ROOMMATES MIGHT DELETE THEM when I'm not looking and THEN what would I do??

But today...

Today, while sitting on the couch in front of the tv...
Today, because I was unwilling to get up and make actual food (or shower for that matter)...
Today, I opened, and then consumed, the unabridged contents of a bag of chips.

This was not a single-serving, snack-size, normal-people-eat-these sort of tv-watching treat. This was not the bag-you'd-find-temptingly-displayed-on-a-wire-rack-at-Subway.

I'm trying to tell you that I ate a costs-$3.49-at-the-grocery-store ($2-on-sale-if-you're-lucky), giant-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. All. By. Myself.

No, I didn't eat lunch. And no, you're right, I didn't eat dinner either. And, yeah, sure it took several hours. But do you think that will help me sleep at night???

The answer is no.

In the stretchiest of stretchy parts of my imagination, I have successfully been able to pretend that slamming an entire bag of CRD's is the proper way for a single girl (such as myself) to celebrate Valentine's Day, but at the end of this frilly-pink holiday, when I look at the empty aluminum bag and smell the stale spices, my imagination fails me and it boils down to this: I need someone else to blame.

So I'm sorry, DVR, but I can't take this one. Not today. Consider this my official and very public notice that, until you hear from me again (you know, when my desperate need for current, commercial-free programming brings me crawling back to you), you are the devil and we are in a fight.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!

My deepest apologies to the families of all those who died holding their breath waiting for my next post!

I was talking to a co-worker this afternoon about blogs, and mentioned the he probably shouldn't bother with mine since I haven't updated it since my last birthday. Imagine my horror when I logged on to look around and realized that my "last" birthday was in 2007!! And now you know where this title comes from. What you'll have to imagine on your own, though, is the fretful hand-wringing that goes with it.

So...please forgive me, and check back often. I promise not to allow such a gap again!

As my first good-faith efforts towards a fruitful blogging year, please accept this, along with my apologies (again):

While using the facilities at work, I once glanced at the floor and noticed that a previous patron had left behind the shells (husks?) of a handful of sunflower seeds. The shells were no longer sporting their usual dusty appearance (a pretty good sign that they had recently been in previous patron's mouth), so naturally I was a little disturbed. I'm not a big fan of anything getting left behind on the bathroom floor, especially food. But this really got me thinking: how long would a person have to stay on the toilet before they not only think to themselves, but also act on the thought, "Hey...I could really go for a snack right now."




Sure...it's not the best post ever, but it's a post alright? Quit whining, I'm trying to save lives here!